bentching - Is it permissible to say “Birshut Baalat HaBayit Hazeh” when saying the Rabotai Nevarech invitation?

Some people have a custom of adding “Birshut Baal Habayit hazeh” in the Zimun. Can the wife be included?

Answer

R' Shlomo Aviner was asked this question, and his response-- published on his website-- was that this WOULD be permissible for two reasons:

1) The wording isn't an essential part of benching

הנוסח הזה הוא לא מעיקר הזימון

That wording is not the essence of the zimun.

The "birshus" is merely an addition. Sephardim, Ashkenazim, Yemenites, Yiddish-speaking people-- each of these people have their own versions for this portion.

2) מעיקר הדין, Women DO have an obligation of zimun

מעיקר הדין, נשים חייבות לזמן לעצמן כשיש שלוש נשים ופחות משלושה אנשים. וכשאנשים מזמנים, נשים עונות. אמנם נשים נהגו לא לזמן לעצמן משום צניעות (ע' שו"ע או"ח קצט, ו-ז. מ"ב שם. ערוך השולחן שם ס"ב. שו"ת תשובות והנהגות ד נא), אבל צניעות אינה מבטלת את עיקר הדין.

א"כ, לא נהגו להוסיף "ברשות אמי" או "ברשות בעלת הבית", אבל מותר, וכ"ש שבודאי אין למחות על אחרים שאומרים.

Women are obligated to summon themselves when there are three women and fewer than three people. And when men lead zimmun, women answer. It is true that women do not normally lead benching out of modesty (Shulchan Aruch, OC 199: 6-7, ibid. etc), but modesty does not nullify the essence of the halachah.

Therefore, while it was not customary to add "in the authority of my mother" or "in the possession of the landlady", it is permitted to do so, and all the moreso one should not protest against others who say it.