halacha - a girl marrying against her parents wishes

i understand that a man can marry a girl against his parents wishes

Shulchan_Arukh, Yoreh De'ah 240 25

הַגָּה: וְכֵן אִם הָאָב מוֹחֶה בַּבֵּן לִשָּׂא אֵיזוֹ אִשָּׁה שֶׁיַּחְפֹּץ בָּהּ הַבֵּן, אֵין צָרִיךְ לִשְׁמֹעַ אֶל הָאָב

but since a girl is not obligated to get married (even if you say she is, it is not close to the obligation of a man) maybe she should be forbidden from marrying against her parents wishes

And she will be meshubedet to her husband and will not be able to respect her parents, (but a man will), they are loosing the service of their daughter so they should have the power to say no.

sources please

Answer

Tzitz Eliezer 14:73 spells this one out very explicitly: it's identical for sons and daughters -- the parents can't force them to marry or not-marry someone if they don't want to. (Though he adds that it's usually the right thing to do for both sons and daughters to ask their parents' advice or otherwise involve them somehow.)

There is one responsum of the Rashba in one particular circumstance that might seem to say otherwise, which is addressed in the above responsum and deemed not relevant.

The Shulchan Aruch is simply citing Maharik 166, which was discussing a son.

Maharik gives three reasons why the son need not respect his parents' wishes:

A.) "Kibud av v'em" means "help them and speak respectfully", it does not mean you must follow their every order. (Note that some disagree with Maharik on that point.) B.) You are not obligated to lose money for kibud av v'em. Being in an unhappy marriage is a lot costlier than losing money. C.) The Torah values happy marriages, so the parents are going against the Torah.

Maharik doesn't say anything about "the boy is obligated to get married", he says the rabbis of the Talmud made enactments to prevent unhappy marriages.

It seems pretty clear that all of those would apply to a daughter as well.

(And fine, let's say we're misogynistic for a minute and don't care if she's unhappy in her marriage. Do you think her husband will be?)

As for the argument that the parents prefer to keep her around the house for free labor: Guess what? The Talmud already thought of that one: Sanhedrin 76b.

איזהו עני רשע ערום זה המשהא בתו בוגרת ... הוי זהיר מן היועצך לפי דרכו

What's an example of a poor man who is craftily evil? One who leaves his daughter single. ... Be very careful when someone gives you self-interested advice!