Are there any relationships within which loshon hara is permitted? I guess I mean loshon hara that is said for a purpose--but perhaps not purposes which would meet the strict halachic criteria for saying loshon hara to others.
For example, might it be permissible to talk to one's wife about a difficult boss, merely as a way of including her in one's life, and/or relieving the stress of the situation? More broadly: what extent of loshon hara would be permissible, in what relationships and for what reasons?
Answer
The basic rule is there is no allowance to speak lashon hara to relatives. See for instance Hilchos Lashon Hara (Klal 8, Sif 10). In fact, the Chafetz Chaim there advises against telling your wife all the ways you were mistreated during the day because it will cause her to lose respect for you too!
The Chafetz Chaim in Hilchos Lashon Hara (Klal 6, Sif 4) does give an allowance to listen to someone vent about their day, but only so that they can get it off their chest and won't go telling more people. He also says that the one listening has to be careful not to actually believe it.
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